Please Pass The Chlorine

The story goes that baby carrots are not really baby carrots at all: Rather they are shaved to cocktail size in order to utilize the culls and below grade carrots.  The name cocktail baby carrots dipped in chlorine for additional shelf life and packaged in a neat square sealed flex-plastic bag for ease in manufacturer’s shipping and consumer’s purchasing is an ingenious marketing strategy.

What happens to all the shavings?  You probably purchase those shavings also washed in additional chlorine and neatly bagged in slaw teamed up with shaved ugly duckling below grade cabbage heads.  Or you might find the chlorine dipped carrot shavings in the American Garden Green Salad.

Let us look past this quick dip in chlorine into the rest of the story.

Formaldehyde is gassed into the bags of pre-tossed salad for preservation freshness and tight bags without wrinkles.  Undertakers now say that we are mostly already embalmed before they get us, making it easier and less costly for the process.  This is possibly the reason that Americans are looking younger at 60 than two generations ago looked at 40.  We spend so much money on super expensive wrinkle cream when we could just inhale the freshly opened salad bag once or twice a week getting the same results one hell of a lot cheaper.

Now I look past food for a moment and enter the world of health and fitness.  I swim one hour a day in a spotless backyard pool;  treated every day with chlorine and shocked once a week by a professional.  I swim under UV Rays rich in Vitamin D. All of this done under an October Texas Sun which we are told is dimming over an Ozone hole that is enlarging.  This pool and its pool atmospheric conditions is said to be safer and far less expensive than your local LA Fitness or hospital physical therapy pool.   Chlorine is chlorine; be it in the pool or on the carrots or in the salad.

So please let me swim in chlorine and pass the low-grad D shaved baby carrots dipped in chlorine.  Keep up the good work so as not to give me or my family intestinal disorders, contact herpes, hepatitis A-B–C or D, salmonella or renal failure.

We have options:  We can always boycott grocery stores and grow all our own food on the back deck of our retirement condos.  All of this activity hopefully taking place above smog level.  We will need fertilizer/dirt/lead glazed decorator Martha Pots and don’t forget a permit.

That brings me to fertilizer.  The largest world supplier of fertilizer is Cambodia according to PBS Jim Lehrer News Hour Stock Market Report.  You already know what is in their dirt:  Remember Cambodia was Vietnam’s morgue.  The words ‘all natural dirt’ will take on new meaning.

But it will grow the best corn you ever tasted: Remember that movie.

More Twisted Thoughts from Gaylee     

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